So… it’s all well and good having a new marketing pull-up banner and business cards with the words “Vitality Expert” and putting #vitality wherever possible, but I just Googled “what is the opposite of vitality?” I’m trying to find vitality in death. And if I’m to refer to a Vitality Journey going forward I need to embrace and truly feel all the elements.

What the internet returned included “top antonyms for vitality: laziness, spiritual apathy and fatigue”. Another site listed these words: “indolence, laziness, anemia, bloodlessness, languidness, languor, lethargy, limpness, listlessness, sleepiness, sluggishness, spiritlessness, torpidity, torpor, weariness, apathy, impassivity, dullness, pallidness, tediousness, tedium, vapidity, vapidness”. Some of these words are new to me.

Just because I choose to “wear pink and smile anyway” most of the time, sometimes this is really hard. REALLY hard. Yesterday I spent 4 hours with a friend as he took his almost last breaths. He died a few hours after I left. We have been friends for 31 years and I sat on the other side of his bed to his wife of 52 years. They have been together since she was 14 and were the classic “childhood sweethearts” who made life work through fun and hard times together. True love. Of all my “older” friends they would be the couple who anyone would give the “vitality” label to. They partied hard but were both sensitive to the core. Staunch with one another and their very wide circle of friends; a group I’m so grateful to be a part of.

To see a previously super strong man be completely debilitated by Alzheimer’s disease is tough on everyone but especially himself, his wife and children. For some, as in this case, early onset familial Alzheimer’s is inherited and his early demise was rapid. To use a few of those definition words above, for at least the last 5 years, life for him has been only full of apathy, lethargy and spiritlessness while those around him have tried to remain spirited.

Of course yesterday I was wearing PiNK… and so was his widow. As I picked her up from home and noticed her shoes and top she said “you must be wearing off on me Jo”! We smiled about that. There was a tv screen scrolling through morbid hymns – I guess it was Sunday – so I suggested we turned it off to play something more energising from a phone. “What about Abba?” I asked. So there we were, playing Abba “Gold” on shuffle… and I now have another memory for “Dancing Queen”. I was trying to be discreet but had to laugh when someone actually said to me “It’s hard to sing quietly isn’t it?” At least she noticed I was trying to sing quietly.

The café was closed, we were unprepared to be there for hours and not willing to go too far in case of missing “the moment”. I went to get supplies from the petrol station across the road. I was happy to feel useful and sometimes a diet of tea, salt, biscuits and chocolate is just what’s required! And a dog sitting on the bed, sensing he was about to lose his master was perfect too.

According to a survey by the Gerontological Society of America, we fear dying less the older we get. And, whilst dementia (as most other illnesses) is hard on the onlookers as well as the sufferer, this may perhaps be one time when not being fully aware of what’s going on may indeed be an advantage.

The American actress Arlene Francis said “Apathy is about as near to the undertaker as you can get.”
It was a BIG day for me and the first time I’ve found myself in exactly that situation, although I have sadly been with dead bodies a few times. Part of “living with vitality” or what I call “PEPP®” is knowing how to “read” yourself and when you need an energy “top up”. Top ups come in many forms including loving hugs and long conversations.

I spoke with my son as I was driving home and established he was at his girlfriend’s. Just before I arrived home I received a message from him asking how long I’d be as he’d made me a cup of tea! He had returned home to be there for my arrival as he thought I’d need a hug. WOW! A perfect act of thoughtful kindness. And I spoke with another friend for a few hours in total as another distraction.

Lots of tears have been shed and there will be more as we celebrate a life well lived later in the week. I was able give because I was able to receive. Full Circle. The Circle of Life. Love. Rest peacefully my friend. xox

I’m trying to find vitality in death. What are your thoughts?